Ebook

Published: Eye Books (May 2020)

ISBN: 9781785632129

Colin’s Repurposed Dictionary

Colin Nugent

£1.99

The hilarious new dictionary for the lockdown age

‘Arm yourself for the new normal with a new bunch of words to describe it’ – Rory Bremner

With a new normal comes a new language, and a need for new definitions. Enter Colin Nugent, a man on a mission to help out in our time of need.

Colin has unearthed hundreds of neglected, obsolete and forgotten words of old and given them new definitions in keeping with a world in lockdown.

From animalcule, which used to mean ‘a microscopic animal’ and is now defined as ‘that part of a jumper or cardigan used to open a door or gateway, in the belief that it might afford protection against Covid-19’...

...to zounds, a word which once referred to ‘an expression of surprise’, and now means ‘a number of joggers struggling to socially isolate on a narrow footpath and ending in a log jam’.

Colin’s Repurposed New English Dictionary is an essential, and very funny, reference work for the ‘new normal’. All profits go to the NHS Charities Together Covid-19 Urgent Appeal.


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Extracts

accouchement (n) The process by which one learns to reconcile the new normal of never doing today what one can put off till tomorrow (or the day after, or the day after that).
Formerly: the delivery of a child, or the acceptance of the world of good intentions unmet that accompanies the early days of parenthood.

adronitis (n) A medical condition in which Eamonn Holmes momentarily takes leave of his senses on live TV.
Formerly: frustration with someone or something.

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Extracts

accouchement (n) The process by which one learns to reconcile the new normal of never doing today what one can put off till tomorrow (or the day after, or the day after that).
Formerly: the delivery of a child, or the acceptance of the world of good intentions unmet that accompanies the early days of parenthood.

adronitis (n) A medical condition in which Eamonn Holmes momentarily takes leave of his senses on live TV.
Formerly: frustration with someone or something.

advesperate (v) To shed advertisers while gaining viewers. Eg, Channel 4, ITV.
Formerly: to approach evening.

aerumnous (adj) Describes a type of après-ski bar in Northern Italy in January 2020, full of Chinese tourists.
Formerly: full of trouble.

alate (adj) Referring to a mystical period, some time in the past, when people allegedly enjoyed cheap air travel.
Formerly: having wings or wing-like extensions.

ambuscade (n) A major police operation launched to arrest two ramblers in the Peak District.
Formerly: an ambush.

anent (n) The sound of a large number of high-pressure cleaners being used to clean driveways for the third time that month.
Formerly: about or of concern.

animalcule (n) That part of a jumper or cardigan used to open a door or gateway, in the belief that it might afford protection against Covid-19.
Formerly: a microscopic animal or something of little consequence.

appticock (n) A postman, or other key worker, now enjoying the luxury of swanning round the empty streets drawing envious glances from all those who are locked up.
Formerly: a quick-witted or intelligent young man.

apricity (n) The ability to write off the month of April as if it never existed.
Formerly: a pleasant day or time not in keeping with its season.

aubade (n) A project that was once plausible that is now deemed fanciful. Eg, HS2, Heathrow’s third runway, Dominic Cummings’ political career.
Formerly: a poem greeting the new dawn, which seems somewhat forlorn and redundant.

quotes

‘Love words, love nursing and nurses, hate lockdown. As the great Meatloaf said, “Two out of three ain’t bad”, so how about getting yourself a new dictionary to aid your understanding of the neologisms generated by lockdown, or even to help you understand that sentence? I didn’t and I wrote it. Go on, you know you want to, and raise some money for the lovely fragrant nurses while you’re at it’

Jo Brand

‘In the finest traditional of good toilet books, arm yourself for the new normal with a new bunch of words to describe it. Read, laugh, cry, now wash your hands’

Rory Bremner

reviews

extras

ABOUT

Colin Nugent

Colin Nugent first came to prominence in 2009, when he entered into correspondence with Bill Clinton, Alan Greenspan, Sir Fred Goodwin, Mervyn King, Sir Stuart Rose and David Miliband, among many others, offering them tips and advice on how to get through the global financial crisis.

His letters were given a wider audience when they were published in the Sunday Telegraph, and thereafter his work featured in the Daily Mail, The Independent, The Scotsman and the Yorkshire Post. It also appeared in book form in Colin Nugent Saves Britain.

Colin has a close creative relationship with the comedy writer and producer Geoff Atkinson.

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